The latest in the mother-daughter feud between Candy and Tori Spelling is like something only the late family patriarch Aaron Spelling could have scripted.

Though, to be fair, the TV mastermind behind The Love Boat and Charlie’s Angels would certainly have made this much sexier, a lot less tedious and probably found a way to include a guest shot for Charo.

But here goes.

In an open letter to TMZ addressed to “MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)” (caps hers), Candy offers her explanation as to why she declined to come to her granddaughter’s first birthday party. In short, Candy says she didn’t want to become part of a reality show storyline.

Fine, though it’s not clear why the elder Spelling chooses to drag the good name of reality show wannabes into her score-settling, but whatever. They’re probably glad just to be mentioned.

Tori has not yet commented or aired a Tori & Dean: A Very Special Episode in return, but we imagine she will have more to say on the subject as much as we wish no one involved ever would again.

Our feeling? Jokes aside, this is just sad. Make nice, people.