Whispers of a Jolie-Pitt split; plus, size matters on ‘90210’; Eva Mendes slams sex confession; K-Fed vs. hardworking Paris; and more …

It would have been the ultimate tabloid irony: After countless stories predicting doom for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they break up during a week in which their supposed relationship issues aren’t featured on a single glossy cover.

On Thursday, spurious reports began flying that the most famous/fabulous/fertile flames on the planet had — say it ain’t so! — called it quits.

The speculation was apparently kick-started by the recent dearth of sightings of the knee-deep-in-dirty-diapers duo out and about together.

But before anyone even had a chance to cry to the heavens, “But what will become of poor little Maddox, and Pax, and Zahara, and Shiloh, and 2-month-old twins Vivienne and Knox?” the rift rumblings were summarily shot down.

Angelina’s rep assures “Entertainment Tonight” that the Jolie-Pitts remain domestically blissed out, dismissing the split talk as “absolutely not true.”

Need further convincing?

Us says the entire clan chowed down together Thursday morning, enjoying a “big breakfast” al fresco at their $70 million French chateau, where they’ve been holed up since the spring.

(By the way, the chateau is the setting for one of the only tabloid tales this week, with Star dubbing it a “pigpen castle” and a source saying, “It’s actually pretty disgusting. Every room looks like a war zone.”)

While Jolie has remained out of sight in recent weeks, Pitt has been jumping time zones to promote “Burn After Reading,” hitting both the Venice Film Festival (with Maddox, 7, and Pax, 4, in tow) and the Toronto Film Festival.

“Everyone is healthy,” he said in Toronto (via People). “No sleep though … Sleep is something you long for, but it’s all right. We’ll get it.”

When a reporter asked whether he and Jolie had any plans to work together again, the actor responded, “Angie and I are working together every day, I guarantee you.”

Jolie will be back in the spotlight later this month as she begins stumping for “The Changeling,” the Clint Eastwood-directed drama that’s already earning her Oscar buzz.

Her stylist recently told People that she “feels some pressure” to find the actress just the right outfit for the film’s Oct. 4 premiere, which will mark her first time on the red carpet since delivering the double bundles.

In between taking care of his brood and maintaining his spot at the top of the A-list, Pitt has been busy doing that do-gooder thing he and Jolie do so well — and infecting unsuspecting fans in the process.

On Wednesday, he donated $100,000 to help defeat an initiative that would ban same-sex marriages in California, a contribution that came just a few days after he and Angelina gave $2 million to the Global Health Committee to fund a children’s clinic in Ethiopia that will be named after Zahara.

Meanwhile, virus-fighting software company McAfee announced this week that Brad has beaten out Paris Hilton to become the most dangerous celebrity to search for online, courtesy of a pop culture-savvy cybercriminal element that wants to hit you with spam, spyware, viruses and other assorted computer plagues when you search for a pie-cute pictures of the Brangie bunch.